Chat GPT: Your New Relationship Therapist
Ever wonder how some people seem to be so good at saying exactly what they mean at the perfect time? Some people just seem to have the best communication. And then, of course, when those people give feedback, somehow the person on the receiving end leaves the conversation feeling good and even thanking said unicorn person for their help. How does that happen?
Well first off, let’s just call that what it is; it’s healthy communication.
When you get to a point where someone is thanking you and feeling good about themselves with your feedback, you know you’ve got it made in the social-relational department.
Which then begs the question: how do they do it?
Chances are that these excellent communicators were not born that way. Statistically, most of us gravitate towards either passive, aggressive, or passive-aggressive forms of communication. So that means that these amazing communicators cultivated their skills over time. What we see when we’re watching them is the culmination of all of that skill building.
Learning how to assertively communicate - that is the ability to state or ask for what we want in a way that is respectful of ourselves and the other person we’re talking to - requires a lot of learning and a lot of application of said learning.
What if there was a simpler way to learn and apply this ability?
Enter Chat GPT!
For the non-techies reading this blog, Chat GPT is an AI-based platform where you enter any question or command and the program will give you an answer or response. For example, you can type into the message bar, “write me a poem with humorous, political themes that has the perfect mix of wit and imagery” and you will instantly get an original poem with your criteria that you can keep as your own or then ask Chat GPT to do some further editing.
Chat GPT can make you all kinds of things from graphs to essays and songs.
This is where things start to get interesting. What if we used Chat GPT to help us communicate better with our spouses?
How would that work?
Well, imagine your spouse did something that left you feeling angry, hurt, disappointed, misunderstood, or alone. You normally would follow your natural pattern for communication. So if you’re passive, you’d swallow those feelings. If you’re passive aggressive, you’d give the silent treatment only to let out some steam in a way that hurts your spouse and distances you both from each other even more. And, if you’re aggressive, you’d unleash your feelings not so lovingly onto your spouse.
For most of us, the outcome of these communication styles doesn’t give us what we ultimately want - love, understanding, repair, connection.
This is where Chat GPT can be incredibly useful. And, this is the moment where we can change things for the better.
Instead of doing what we normally do and saying the things we’d normally say (or not say the things we’d normally avoid sharing), we can type into the GPT message bar exactly what we would have said or wish we could have said to our spouse with no filter! That means, we can type in that obnoxious statement and let out our steam without the fallout.
Then, we can type in an instruction that goes to the effect of - “make this sound respectful and kind” and then we get to watch the magic unfold! Chat GPT can turn the most spiteful statement into the kind of text that you can then message your spouse with to the point that your spouse thanks you for your feedback, giving you that status of excellent communicator.
Here’s how it works (and yes, you can try this at home):
Type into Chat GPT: I am so mad at you. What were you thinking? I always ask you to help me at bedtime and then you are nowhere to be found! You're never reliable!"
Now ask Chat GPT to make this statement sound kind, respectful, and vulnerable (because vulnerability makes us approachable which always gets us closer to what we want and need).
This is what Chat GPT will yield: “I felt really upset when I couldn’t find you at bedtime, especially since I often rely on your help. It makes me feel vulnerable when I count on you and it seems like you’re not there. Can we talk about what happened?”
Then if you want to tweak the response in any way, you type out any edits you’d like.
And finally, you send that polished version to your spouse who, chances are, will be a lot more open to hearing your feelings and experience and making any necessary repairs.
One of the best bonuses to using this tool is that we get to learn assertiveness not just in the moment, but in a lasting way where we start to become those people who magically seem to know how to assertively communicate. The more exposed we are to new, assertive versions of the statements we have in our heads that may uncontrollably spill out, the more options we have in future predicaments for communicating, and the more likely we are to use those new and improved communication methods. This is so invaluable not just for our own relationships but for all of our relationships.
So, who would have thought AI could help improve our relationships!? What do you think?
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